A Perfect Night in June

My oldest child will be 14 in the fall! Wow! 14! Where did the time go? Now, if I think hard, I can remember her when she was a preschooler, some memories come back very clearly. (Pictures help!) But honestly, 10 years, 4 more kids and a lot of life later, some of those memories are, well, just fuzzy. Some, I'm certain, are just gone. She was cute and so smart. But I was so busy having more kids, being a mom and a wife and just trying to keep up with everything. I don't know that I paused enough take in all that was happening.

So, as I've watched my baby, who is now 4, stretch and grow and become the little person he is, I've really prayed that God would allow me to keep these images of him tight in my memory, even as I am having to loosen my motherly grip so he can, in time, become the young man that God would have him be. Now, don't misundertand me. I'm not saying that I want my kids to stay small. Heaven forbid! What I am saying, is that I don't want to lose the memories of these sweet precious times. The golden nuggets of childhood which can be so easy to miss while "doing the dailies" of life. So, I'm trying to slow down and enjoy all my children, trying to take in and treasure the precious things that they're doing at this stage in their lives. Very early on Tuesday morning, I wrote this essay, crying as I typed; a prayer(of sorts) asking God to help me hold onto this memory.


A Perfect Night in June

What a magical evening. A warm night in June. The grass at the church, so green. Sunset in New Mexico, the sky is still blue. I want to hold the memory in my mind. Sear it into my brain so that I never forget. His white shirt, so white against the green of the grass. His clunky sandals flashing in front of me and on, as he runs happily to the playground. I wish we could just stop and live in this moment for a while longer. Drink it up like cool water in the heat of summer. So refreshing. He’s so very cute, so sweet, so small yet getting so big. Can it be? He’s 4 already? So happy, laughing as he went, not a moment to waste. Etch it indelibly in my mind. It’s gone so fast. Etch it there, so I won’t forget this magical, golden time. He’s so small, so innocent, (so tyrannical at times). Skin so soft, hair so fair, eyes so blue filled with so much thought. In a flash, in a blink it seems, all too soon, he’ll be 14, looking down into my eyes with hair dark like his papa’s, getting a man voice, growing a beard. Gone will be the days of giving me sugars & “Smackaroni & Squeezes,” no more Biscuit at bedtime. He won’t worry anymore about me being “all set” before I walk out the door, having gotten all the hugs and kisses and sugars I need for my trip to the “closer” store, meeting, or restaurant, encouraged to be gone only the shortest amount of time. He won’t be my “SugarBaby” and “CuddleBunny” anymore. So tonight I want to remember this moment. Remember him small, so blond and so fair and blue-eyed. My sweet sweet baby. Too soon this will all be but a memory. Let me hold it here in my heart forever. The perfect night in June. So warm, so happy, him in his white shirt and baggy camo cutoffs bounding away from me as fast as his clunky sandals can take him. The green grass framing his beautiful baby face. Etch it in granite in my mind that I won’t ever lose it. This fair-haired jubilant boy galloping off with giggles and excitement. I see him playing in the distance, his laughter drifts back to me. One day soon, he won’t be the baby of the family any more. But he’ll always be my baby, as they all are still - in my heart.